


shit dot jpg

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Texting, Trans Keith (Voltron), Trans Pidge | Katie Holt, Whips, this is really gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-16 15:34:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11255862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: threadmyneedle - I have an emergencypidgetspinner - Did u loose ur catthreadmyneedle- no pidge i didnt loose bluethreadmyneedle - i,,, lost myself





	1. lance what the hell

**Author's Note:**

> good luck on making sense of this
> 
> Keith- fakemoonlanding  
> Shiro- spacedaddy  
> Lance- ThreadMyNeedle  
> Hunk- hunkalicious  
> Pidge- pidgetspinner  
> Allura- certifiedvodkaaunt  
> Coran- unclecoran

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- I have an emergency

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- Did u loose ur cat

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- no pidge i didnt loose blue

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- i,,, lost myself

**hunkalicious** \- oh my god lance

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- idk where i am

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- i can’t believe lance is dead

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- Lance found dead in Miami

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- guys!! this is serious!!!

**spacedaddy** \- Lance, how did this happen?

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- I DONT KNOW!!!

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- I was just like,, walking with my headphones in and then i looked up and?? Whoops lmao

 

 **hunkalicious** \- doesn’t your phone have gps?

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- ,,, I hadnt thought of that

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- oh my gods

**threadmyneedle** \- ok ill b back

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- even i haven’t messed up that bad before

 

 **fakemoonlanding**  - Pidge i need my qpp

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- SONIC THEME SONG

**certifiedvodkaaunt** \- What the hell, guys

 

 **hunkalicious** \- Hi Allura!

**spacedaddy** \- Good morning, Princess.

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- that’s gay shiro

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- that’s actually completely hetero

 

 **certifiedvodkaaunt** \- Shiro that’s hetero

**spacedaddy** \- How dare you call me hetero.

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- you know who’s def not hetero??

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- is it you

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- YES IT IS

 

**\---- Private message between hunkalicious and fakemoonlanding ---**

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- I’m #toogay

**hunkalicious** \- Did you just use a hashtag

**fakemoonlanding** \- #no #one #will #believe #you

 

**\---- End of private messages ----**

 

 **hunkalicious** \- KEITH JUST USED A HASHTAG

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- what are you talking about?

 

 **spacedaddy** \- I’m not sure if I believe that.

 

 **certifiedvodkaaunt** \- I’ve known Keith for years and I’ve never seen him do anything of the sort

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- sounds fake but okay, hunk

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- nice try, buddy

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- update: i’m in an uber and heading to Keith’s house

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- wait what? why my house?

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- you’re the closest

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- sounds pretty gay, lance

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- Bi, actually

 

 **hunkalicious** \- *plays Bye Bye Bye on speakers*

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- FINGER GUNS LOUDLY

 

**\--- Private message between fakemoonlanding and pidgetspinner ---**

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- I’M TOO GAY!! A FULL BLOWN HOMOSEXUAL!!!

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- Why are you like this

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- I don’t need your sass, katie

**pidgetspinner** \- low blow

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- Bite me

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- nah i’ll leave that to Lance

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- If i didnt love you so much i would fuckin’ deck you

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- heart emoji

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- …

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- heart emoji

 

**\--- End of private messages ---**

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- Keith open your hecking door

 

 **spacedaddy** \- Language, Lance.

 

 **hunkalicious** \- There are children around, Lance

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- Yeah Lance, what the fuck.

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- kEITH OPENED THE DOOR AND ALL I CAN HEAR IN THE BACK ROUND IS A ROCK COVER OF TAYLOR SWIFT

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- SHUT UP

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- THIS EMO FUCK

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- YOUR MOTHER BUYS YOU MEGA BLOCKS INSTEAD OF LEGOS

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!

 

 **hunkalicious** \- Are you two yelling at each other over text while in the same room?

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- no he closed the door when i started cackling in his face

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- go buy me food and i’ll let you in

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- gotta blast

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- i’m on my way you better get me food too

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- i mean,,, okay

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- Pidge hurry up I need qpp cuddles

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- I can only uber so quickly

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- lmao jsut kidding open your door i’m here, gay

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- fuck yesssssss

 

 **spacedaddy** \- Why do you keep inviting people to our house?

**fakemoonlanding** \- You’re not even home

 

 **spacedaddy** \- Damn you’re right.

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- I’m back with Mc Donalds

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- open the door

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- fucking score

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- okay when i say heck i get attacked but pidge says fuck she gets off??? This is biphobia

 

 **spacedaddy** \- How is it biphobic?

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- i’m bi and it upsets me

 

 **certifiedvodkaaunt** \- Lance fuck you

 

 **threadmyneedle** \-  DRAMATIC ANIME GASP

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- coughs weeaboo

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- coughs weeaboo

 

 **hunkalicious** \- coughs weeaboo

 

 **certifiedvodkaaunt** \- coughs weeaboo

 

 **spacedaddy** \- Stop attacking the wea- I mean, Lance.

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- rEALLY SHIRO??? EVEN YOU???

 

 **unclecoran** \- I’m on your side, Lance!

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- thank you, corn man!!

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- WAIT MY AUTOCORRECT ,,,,

 

 **pidgetspinner** \- corn man

**hunkalicious** \- corn man

 

 **fakemoonlanding** \- corn man

 

 **certifiedvodkaaunt** \- corn man

 

 **spacedaddy** \- corn man

**unclecoran** \- corn man

 

 **threadmyneedle** \- oh COME ON!

 


	2. problematic boy blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lance is not in tune with nature

**threadmyneedle** \- so like,,, remember that plant i thought was tea?

**hunkalicious** \- yeah?

 

**pidgetspinner** \- you didn’t

 

**threadmyneedle** \- i did and it wasnt

 

**spacedaddy** \- Are you okay?

 

**threadmyneedle** \- def not send help

 

**\--- Private message from fakemoonlanding to pidgetspinner --**

 

**fakemoonlanding -** THE GAY SQUAD IS ON IT’S WAY

 

**pidgetspinner** \- why are you like this

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- here i g O

 

**\--- End of Private Messages ---**

 

**hunkalicious** \- I could drive you to the hospital

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- nah i got this lmao i can drive him

 

**hunkalicious** \- are you sure? I get off soon…

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- nah lmao i have no job or life i got this

 

**threadmyneedle** \- i dont wanna go to the hospital on a motorcycle

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- nah i’ll just steal Shiro’s car

 

**spacedaddy** \- No you will not.

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- whoops too late

 

**pidgetspinner -** keith’s rebel side shines through

 

**certifiedvodkaaunt** \- Why do you guys always have fun without me

 

**threadmyneedle** \- my knight in a black mom van

**spacedaddy -** It’s only a minivan because I have to drag y’all around all the time.

 

**certifiedvodkaaunt** \- I always forget that technically Shiro is sorta texan

 

**threadmyneedle** \- ny’all :3

**pidgetspinner** \- a texan furry

**threadmyneedle** \- no that’s keith

 

**hunkalicious** \- guys!! stop making fun of Keith!

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- suddenly i feel the need to return Shiro’s car…

 

**threadmyneedle** \- kEITH NO

 

**pidgetspinner** \-  _ i can’t believe lance is dead  _

 

**\--- Private messages from fakemoonlanding to threadmyneedle ---**

**fakemoonlanding** \- i’m here come outside

**threadmyneedle** \-  so here’s the thing…

**threadmyneedle** \- i cant?? 

 

**fakemoonlanding -** what do you mean, ‘you cant’???

 

**threadmyneedle** \- i mean if i leave this bathroom i’m going to get green-tinted vomit on my beige carpet

**threadmyneedle** \- so i cant

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- do you need me to carry you to the car???

 

**threadmyneedle** \- ,,,,,

**threadmyneedle** \- maybe

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- oh dear god

 

**\--- End Of Private Messages ---**

**threadmyneedle -** quick update for those who care

**pidgetspinner** \- i certainly dont

**threadmyneedle** \- okay rude

 

**threadmyneedle** \- anYWAYS

 

**threadmyneedle** \- im currently chillin’ in keith’s arms in a totally bro way as he carries me to the car as i clutch my bathroom trash can like it’s my own child

 

**pidgetspinner** \- 'a totally bro way' sure jan

 

**hunkalicious** \- oh geez, are you two okay

 

**threadmyneedle** \- keith just set me in the car and i’m doing groovy

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- you just barfed into the can

 

**threadmyneedle** \- radical

 

**spacedaddy** \- Don’t get my car dirty.

**threadmyneedle -** feelin the love, daddy o

**certifiedvodkaaunt -** Matt and I are the only ones allowed to call him daddy

 

**pidgetspinner -** not an image i needed

**threadmyneedle** \- im gonna add him

**pidgetspinner** \- please don’t

 

**\--- threadmyneedle has added certifiedwhiskeyuncle ---**

 

**certifiedwhiskeyuncle** \- whats up bubble butts and gutter sluts

 

**spacedaddy** \- Oh dear god.

 

**\--- fakemoonlanding has changed spacedaddy’s name to certifieddeathcertificate ---**

 

**certifieddeathcertificate -** Why.

 

**pidgetspinner -** we all know how emo you really are inside, shirt

 

**hunkalicious -** shirt

**fakemoonlanding** \- shirt

 

**certifiedvodkaaunt** \- shirt

**threadmyneedle -** shirt

 

**certifiedwhiskeyuncle** \- shirt

 

**unclecoran** \- Wait, Keith how are you responding if youre driving??

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- x-files theme song

 

**pidgetspinner** \- x-files theme song

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- we just got to the hospital and lance tried to flirt with an orderly and barfed on them

 

**certifieddeathcertificate** \- Did he get vomit on my car?

 

**certifiedwhiskeyuncle** \- vomit would only improve your car, that thing is ugly

**pidgetspinner** \- i can hear Shiro’s offended gasp from here

 

**certifieddeathcertificate** \- There is nothing wrong with my car!

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- Lance just got pulled back, i’ll keep you updated

 

**hunkalicious** \- I hope he’s okay!!!!

 

**hunkalicious** \- I mean it’s his fault but still

 

**pidgetspinner** \- he probably just needs his stomach pumped

**certifiedvodkaaunt** \- I wonder what he drank????

**certifiedwhiskeyuncle** \- the world may never know

 

**hunkalicious** \- I’m gonna go wait with Keith

**pidgetspinner** \- i’ll go with you

 

**certifiedvodkaaunt** \- Shiro had to go to work, I’m bored

 

**certifiedwhiskeyuncle** \- your knight in shining Uber has arrived

 

**certifiedvodkaaunt** \- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**\---**

 

**fakemoonlanding** \- okay so update, lance did have to get his stomach pumped, and the plant he thought was tea was actually a small strain of poison ivy? He’s fine but his throat hurts from the tube and the throwing up so he can’t speak very well

 

**threadmyneedle** \- nah it wasn’t the tube i’ve just been sucking too much dick

 

**certifiedwhiskeyuncle** \- yeah he’s fine

 

**Author's Note:**

> literally i have no idea i hope this was entertaining in the slightest


End file.
